A woman in her lifetime plays several roles, and when she becomes a wife her life supposedly changes. Starting from the clothes you wear (if you grew up in a South Asian country), your daily chores, and how you choose to prioritise things, society is watching and judging you. It’s almost as if when a woman fails at being a ‘good wife’, she fails at being a woman.
Marriage has been projected as the single most important event and agenda of a woman’s life. And the region where I come from, an unmarried woman is bombarded with questions, and it is often seen as her fault for not being pretty enough, or being too educated, too career driven, too open-minded, too social or not social enough, too sporty (like seriously), too much of this or too little of that. Yet an unmarried man is still called an “eligible bachelor” at forty-five.
Now, I’m not here to wave my feminist flag, nor am I against marriage and I don’t hate men (far from it), but I have a simple message to the trio in this sacred relationship.
To the ladies;
1. A beautiful wedding doesn’t always guarantee you a beautiful marriage.
2. You won’t end up as a ‘depressed and lonely cat-lady’ if you don’t marry.
3. If you do marry, you choose your man and treat him right but don’t forget to treat yourself right too.
4. You have a voice. Use it well.
5. You don’t have to save your marriage to be a good woman by bowing down to your “master”.
6. Make sacrifices in the name of love, not from fear or compulsion.
To the gentlemen;
1. She is a person. I repeat. She is somebody. She can cast her vote to elect a goddamn president, so don’t you dare tell her she can’t choose which TV station to watch tonight.
2. She is not weak or submissive.
3. She is your wife, not your property.
4. You can’t only want a wild wife in bed and a trophy wife to serve tea and cookies to your colleagues and then expect them to sit silently when they aren’t doing either of those things.
5. She has more purpose than being your pleasure house or popping out your babies.
6. No one has given you the power to beat her. You remember that.
7. Be there for her.
And to society;
Let her be. Let them be. Just sit quietly and sip your tea, for you have no clue about who people really are, so keep your petty judgements to yourself.
We often blame men for all the troubles women go through. But truth to be told, it is society, “the mistress” in this relationship who is to be blamed. Society makes men chauvinists and hardens them, making them believe women are inferior. Society is to be blamed for domestic violence, making women miserable enough to withdraw, and for all those desires invalidated with comments like “what will people say” and “who will marry you”.
Let her be fierce.
Let her be free.
She is mild,
But she is also a wild child.
By Rishfa Rumaiz
Email address: [email protected]